Friday, June 30, 2006

Friday Cat Blogging

Meet Moose, a felinofascist:

New Pastime:

A new way to kill time: creating free email accounts in countries whose language I don't understand. You can now email me through my Swedish Spray account: Not really a productive use of time, but a fun puzzle nonetheless. (And if you're going to try this, be forewarned: cheating with Babelfish is a SIN!)


Saturday, June 10, 2006

Preemptive self-outing.

Well, I was sure it would happen eventually, and now that "Armando" at DailyKos has had his true identity revealed, I knew I would probably be next. In truth, because of my importance, I should have come before Armando, but one allows for a certain amount randomness in these things before one gets too worked up.

When visiting this site, I'm sure many of you have thought: "Who is this brilliant person posting so very brilliantly???" Or likely you thought: "There can only be a handful of people in the entire universe with such incredible understanding and brain power!!!! He must be an extremely important man of science, and probably a SUPER-GENIUS to boot!!!" And so I realize now that by allowing my brilliance to flow so freely, and not dumbing down my posts to the level of at least above-average human beings, I've made it almost impossible for someone with even the slightest knowledge of the greatest achievements in science not to put two and two together and recognize my true identity.

So rather than wait for some troll at Science or Nature to out me, I'll do it myself.

That's right, it's true: I'm David Baltimore.

Well, that's a relief not to have to hide behind a pseudonym anymore!

All the best,


Tuesday, June 06, 2006


Monday, June 05, 2006

O.K., I see now that that was lame...

...but I'm against, in general, deleting lame shit from your blog after you've had a chance to think it over, or sober up, or re-medicate, or God forbid, spell check.

So that last haiku is just another piece of crap I'm gonna have to discuss with St. Peter.

He's gonna be all: "Dude, come'on. You were fucked up. Don't bullshit me, I've heard it from the best."
And I'll be like: "No, really man, I was being totally poetic! Can't you see the lighthearted, carefree humor?"
An' St. Peter's gonna be all: " I see you were toasted, dude. NEXT!"

Sheeee-it. What an asshole. Fuck St. Peter.

Numerical Haiku

One two three four five;
Two three four five six seven...
Eight seven six five!

Republican "Meritocracy" Haiku

Excuse me, a job?
But Daddy left me Billions.
Piss on you peasants!

Paris Hilton's Farm Haiku

I’m sorry, “Death Tax”?
Our farm fell to ConAgra.
Paris has no farm.

Estate Tax Haiku

Daddy said it's my birthright!
How dare you tax me...