Monday, April 02, 2007

Just a little taste...

Having a somewhat addictive personality, as you all know, I’ve often gotten the urge to "experiment" with Republicanism - (just once. really) - just to feel what it’s like. Oh sure, I know it's more addictive than a cocaine/heroin/nicotine/sex speedball with an OxyContin chaser - but that’s obvious when you realize that anyone who manages to kick the Republican habit is a major news item.

But damn, imagine the rush! Omniscient and infallible, your every thought brilliant; your debating skills simultaneously elegant and eviscerating! Any evidence threatening to refute your position crumbles to dust with your merest hint of distain. And the attention, the love, the adoration! – every word you utter, every public appearance is NEWS, propagated around the world at the speed of light – my God, it must be sweet...
Oh Jesus, help me! I’ve got a voter registration form in front of me, and I’ve checked “Republican”!
I’m weak – I know I can’t handle it.. stop me.....


Well now, this feels GOOD! Everyone around me seems to be a lowly worm when compared to my towering intellect. I just had a little chat with Jerry Falwell, and he is very intelligent man. When I explained how much better I felt since becoming a Republican, he gave his characteristic little chuckle and said “you ain’t seen nothin’ ‘till you get right with with your maker, boy!” He assured me that although Republicanism was indeed a righteous buzz, it’s got nothing on Conservative Christian Republicanism. All the buzz of Republicanism, plus everything you think and say is God’s word! Jerry likened it to a number of different feelings, but the one that really resonated with me was “it’s like running the Nürburgring at 250 kph in a Porche 930 while smoking an enormous doob and being blown by Lindsay Lohan!”

And if anyone would know about that, it's Jerry Falwell.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Frankly, I see no reason not to try it.


Blogger AnnieAngel said...

I don't think you're being serious.

5/04/2007 11:04:00 PM  

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